I last saw my Kendo Sensei, Sakazaki Sensei, about 7 years ago. During one of our weekdays class, I announced that I won’t be able to practice anymore. And I literally just stop practicing after 12 years of training.
I’ve always thought about Kendo as I’ve missed it, but I was always worried that my Sensei would not be happy to see me as I’ve pretty much ghosted the kendo community in Fresno. It was all in my head.
A couple days before my visit, I reached out to an old Kendo buddy. Again, I wasn’t sure if I would get a reply due to my sudden disappearance. But he replied, and was happy to hear from me and learned that I am now a father. I had to ask him about training, if we were still training and where. He provided the location and time. He said he would be happy if I came back, but no pressure.
I told my wife about my text. My wife had actually mentioned, when our son was born, that Sakazaki-sensei would love to meet him. Sakazaki sensei was found of children. I thought so too, but was worried that it might not be a good idea to reach out. She told me, that since the location was so close, that we should visit, and that they will be happy to see me. How did she know.
So much has changed in 7 years, but it also felt like nothing has changed at all. The sound of students practicing suriashi, the shuffling of the feet, the kiai as they strike men running down the gym are all familiar. What has changed is the people. I hardly knew anyone besides a few veteran.
When I peeked in, I saw Sensei and he was in a walker. Granted Sakazaki-sensei is 83 years old, I didn’t imagine for him to be in a walker. And how long has he been in this condition? I felt very bad, for not being there to help him with running the dojo. I felt guilty.
We were about to walk in and meet sensei, but I smelt my son: he pooped. We went to change him first and when we returned, Sakazaki-sensei was not there. I thought we missed him, and that he had gone home. But he was still there.
It took him a while to make me out, but once he did, all the preconceived imagined reactions that I had did not occur, he was happy to see me. Happy to see my wife and happy to see my son. He gave me a quick run down, how students were hard to keep after the Corona virus (funny how he using that term instead of COVID), but more importantly, that the walker is not a permanent thing. He’s using the walker as he’s just recovered from surgery. Back surgery. He explained that he had three back surgeries. The first two are related as he did not take the doctor’s order seriously and started working out too hard. The third is unrelated to the originals, but still a surgery nonetheless. Sensei can never stop training. He’s still stubborn as before.
They would welcome me back they say, as I would be a big help. Especially with promotion coming up. I can be another body, man power to use, but I don’t think I should be judging anyone for promotion. He asked about my martial journey. Being that he was a judoka for 35 years, he understood the need to learn a different art. He said it was a good thing that I was doing it.
It was good to see him. It all felt too familiar as if I’ve never had 7 years away. 7 years to wander off. I was thinking about returning to Kendo the night before our visit. I would call myself the “prodigal kendoka.” I’m not sure if I will be returning, especially with my new change in income and responsibilities (only one income as I will be a stay at home dad). It does go against my original idea of returning at 50. There’s the Chinese Stick Fighting as well as the Cho Family System that I’m learning. I do want to be black belt in BJJ and I do want to get that endorphin release of Muay Thai.
I’m just one person. Maybe I can explain that I can only practice 2 a month, or whenever they need help. I don’t think I can be that kendo fanatic from 7 years ago. Responsibilities and priorities have changed.
It was still good to see my old sensei.
My Musha Shugyo - 私の武者修行 